Saturday, May 04, 2002

I want to get drunk. completely plastered. Okay, maybe not puking. Maybe only pleasantly tipsy. Why? I really couldn't tell you. Boredom maybe. I've never understood drinking for its entertainment value. I could always see wanting to forget yourself, escape from feelings or thoughts that wouldn't stop. But just for the heck of it? Not really. Now, though, while I still don't see getting REALLY drunk and puking, mild drunkness has its allure. Plus I think I would be hilarious kind of drunk. I mean, as weird as I am normally? You picture it. Tell me if it doesn't make you laugh.
Why isn't anybody online!?!? I was so excited last night because I had several people to talk to. I was seriously bouncing in the chair with excitement. And now there are very few people online. My buddy list looks so sad.
I am going through major clean-out phase. I've been randomly going through crap and throwing it out or giving it away. Considering that I am a HUGE pack-rat, this is rather a surprise. I save EVERYTHING. You think I'm exaggerating. I have notebooks with papers from high school. I have ticket stubs from movies I went to see three years ago. I have almost any card ever given to me. And now I am throwing them away. It's kind of fun.
Coming home is so odd. Before, when I actually wanted to come home, I would look around, seeing all the things that were familiar, that brought up memories. I just wanted to sink back into my old life. Now, I drive around and feel like I'm at a museum exhibit. A weird, changing exhibit that only has faint ties to who I am right now. And all I want to do is be back at school with my friends. All you people that I miss SO much. I want to hug Whitney and Peggy, cuddle and squeal with Emily at Smallville, make fun of serious stuff with Michelle, tell Jessie that I hate her... And lots of other stuff. Lie out in the courtyard. But no. I'm here. Here with my parents who I love dearly, but have outgrown. I never thought I'd be tired of home. I never thought I'd understand why people were so eager to go back. Now I do...
Though I don't miss the Collins soap-opera. Being Peggy's conscience was tiring. Though I really wasn't. I enjoyed the fact that she called me her good angel, perhaps a little too much. But I didn't think she would do anything. She's too nice a person and that would be too mean to Adam. Not that he doesn't deserve it. But Peggy wouldn't be that cruel. And it would be hard on her, too. Though the whole thing was entirely too hard on her. You're too good for that shit, Peggy. You shouldn't have to deal with it.

Wednesday, May 01, 2002

Well, apparently my last entry surprised some people. And I would like to thank those people for refraining from teasing me in front of my mom. Another taboo topic. To be honest, I was surprised that they were surprised. I mean, all this time I thought I was pretty obvious. I did blush almost everytime Whitney teased me. And NO. I do NOT have a crush. I don't like that word. It conjures up images of seventh grade girls giggling and saying how cute some guy they've never met before. I had a crush on Coverdale. That is a crush. Neal. Neal I just really like. And the more I learn, the more I like. sigh. Oh well. Though now I know that denial really does work on my friends, always useful info. I will say, to give them SOME credit, they weren't there at several more obvious moments... But really. I've been hinting about it for the past couple of weeks in this thing. And I know that some people read it. Okay. Enough of this.
Well, I'm home. gag. It's only been a day and my mom is already irritating me. Though part of that could be due to the fact that I was/am completely exhausted from my whole three hours of sleep night then moving out. And I have no floor space. All the crap that took forever and a day to move out is occupying it all. Though I GUESS I don't really need any space to walk. We have all these worker people fixing up our house. It's going to be a while before they are done. Lovely. Like right now? We have no stairs. No way to get to the other computer or big tv. And that's my escape from my parents. Hopefully they'll be done in like a week...

Tuesday, April 30, 2002

Ahhh!!! Peggy wrote an entry in Bridget Jones style. That always makes me want to do the same. But I shall not copy! No, I shall stay strong and not lose my subjects and superfluous words.
Am I avoiding a paper? I think so. I have a page written... five more. I'm adapting my first paper. But it's hard because I have to mix it with a new book and that's giving me difficulty. And, while Peggy's hormones have subsided, mine have not. I kicked several trees on the way back from Starbucks with Michelle and Emily, which helped some, but not enough.
I wish I could just read people's minds sometimes. Like Neal's... He confuses me. Because sometimes I think he likes me and other times not so much. He's definitely started hanging out with my group of friends more, but there are several of us that he knows. He's more physical with other people, but that could be because he's not comfortable with me because he likes me. I could continue. I wish that all this hadn't started so close to the end of the year. Even with a few more weeks, I think it would either pan out or disappear. And I'm not sure whether or not he overheard Whitney and me talking about him. Not that we said anything huge or that it would really matter, but still. And he's such a great guy.
I've decided that sleep is overrated. Or at least I'm going to keep telling myself that, seeing how I'm not really counting on getting much. After I finish my paper, I still have LOTS of packing to do. grrrr...

Monday, April 29, 2002

Ahhh!!! Boys suck! Adam is so oblivious to other people sometimes. He has managed to seriously worry/hurt three people in the past two weeks. That's got to be a record. I hope he grows up soon. Eventually, his friends aren't going to want to put up with it anymore. Meanwhile, on my end. I thought that exercise was supposed to help get rid of sexual energy. I just freaking played ultimate frisbee for TWO AND A HALF HOURS!! And am I calm, collected, COOL? nope. I feel like I should go take a cold shower, even though I just got clean. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr... And yes, Whitney. I know there are other ways. But unless I jump someone, I don't think it's going to happen.

Sunday, April 28, 2002

I'm listening to the other mix Peggy made me: Rebecca's Randomass mix. I love Peggy. I see a mouse, a mouse wearing a helmet... :-)
I am SO tired. I keep thinking that I don't need sleep. And it doesn't work like that. Though I was going to sleep later today, but I woke up at ten-thirty for the last time and realized since there was no way in hell I was going to be able to sleep again, I might as well get up. I started packing. I'm slightly screwed. I can't fit all my clothes into my bags. Not a good thing. And I don't want to leave! Anyway. I tried Merlot last night, wasn't a big fan. Must be an acquired taste. I had to drive home from my teacher's party because Beth, who drove, was slightly drunk and 'probably could drive home', but since there were three other people riding with her... We votoed her probably. Then she and Gabe and Neal and I went and played frisbee. It was really fun. We all got muddy, though Gabe never fell. And it started raining and it was lighting. It was awesome. And I'm not talking about the main thing that is on my mind. And I don't think I'm going to...