Sunday, October 10, 2010

Frustration, or Why I Hate People

I've been really frustrated lately, somewhat unfairly at people. I'm under stress at work, my roommate is never ever going to move out, leaving me with the options of allowing Stephie to do something horrible, to sell her and her unborn baby into white slavery, or (what I'm actually doing) keeping my mouth shut and trying to deal until she moves out in January. I know, I know. I said she wasn't ever moving out, but she was supposed to be out at the beginning of this month. Then it was November. Now it's January. And she's passive-aggressive about everything, refuses to acknowledge that this is any kind of inconvenience, and hasn't bought toilet paper since January. She's also using my salt. I realize these may be small and petty things, but they add up to me not liking her (along with some other stuff), and living with people I don't like, even if they are only in town a few days a week, stresses me the hell out.

But she's not the only one I'm frustrated at. I see so many people who say "I want x," but they act like they want y. And this drives me a little insane. It's mainly in relationship stuff, and it's not that I want to be in a relationship with these people, it's the incongruity. The attitude of, "If I can't find the right one, well, I might as well date/hook-up with whomever." It's not that I can't understand that thought. It's one that has crossed my mind. But it is fundamentally not who I am, and one that just seems wrong. If you want to be in a real relationship, why waste time with other people? Why hang out with someone just because you want to have someone to hang out with? Why risk the possibility of meeting someone special, but not noticing because you were too busy trying to hook up with someone else? The whole thing makes me sad, in part because I can see so clearly what I want. And it's not to date, it's not to hang out, it's not to find someone I can stand. I am so ready, and these other people are driving me nuts.

Besides that, I keep seeing people act like 14-year-olds. Is it me? Am I expecting too much of people? I'm not going to say I act like I should; I see lots of areas for improvement. I will avoid things. I will be horrible at communication. But if you are my friend and you need me, I will be there. If I invite you out to celebrate something, we shall celebrate. Your happiness may make me feel a twinge of longing for what I don't have, but I will wholeheartedly be happy for you, and I will damn well keep that twinge to myself. If friends come to visit, visiting shall be had. They shall be the theme and centerpiece of the visit.

All this is not to suggest that there are not people in my life who don't act like that. I have some truly lovely friends, people who help me and are there for me and who I hope know that I would do anything for. These are the people who help to show me what I want to be, and give me hope that maybe I can be better.

The rest of you? Well. Be glad that I am non-confrontational.