So, he emailed me yesterday, basically saying a lot of what I had wanted to hear. I can’t decide how I feel about this. Of course, I immediately start analyzing everything, what this means, what it could lead to, are we going to get back together, do I want to get back together… basically thinking way too far.
But I am proud of how I handled it. Yes, I responded, being honest. I thought about ignoring it, but my reason for not responding would be that I was trying to punish him by treating him in the same frustrating way that he had treated me. And that’s dumb. If I hadn’t responded, then I would be thinking about responding and that’s not good for my zen-like calm. Plus I’m trying to make sure that I behave in a way that I can respect, and acting out for petty reasons is not on that list.
The question though is what I want to do. I thought about calling people to get advice, but I know what most people would say. Especially those who have only heard the worst parts of things. Though I think after emailing him, I am leaving it entirely in his court. And I am okay with whatever scenario plays out. Yes we had a great relationship for a long time, and yes we could get that back (I think, depending on a variety of things). I do still miss him, and it’s not just because he’s “in my head.” It’s because I miss him. Genuinely and frequently, which to me says something. But if that’s not what he’s thinking, or if we did talk and some things were just not going to be fixed, then… I’m okay with that option as well.
2 comments:
One of my roommates and I have been known to stay up into the wee morning hours talking about something similar to this.
I think what it comes down to is this question: Who holds the power to cause you to be happy. Is it you, or someone else? If it's you, great. If it's someone else, they can really mess with you, even by accident.
Found that out the hard way. Good luck with whatever you decide.
Thanks, Adam. I think the past year (plus) has shown me that you have to be responsible for your own happiness. Managing to keep that in mind on a regular basis, though, is hard... but I'm working on it. :-)
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