A. My knitting group really is awesome. They had an impromptu meeting for me last night, bought me a muffin and tea and hot chocolate, and distracted me for the night. It was pretty much just what I needed.
B. My mom doesn't really know how to deal with this stuff. It doesn't surprise me; my family tends not to really talk about things like heartbreak or relationships or stuff like that. Plus, she and my dad started dating in high school, so she hasn't had a huge amount of personal experience in this. And I haven't cried in front of any family for as long as I can remember, outside of movie-related tearing up. My dad, though, surprisingly seems better. He wrote me a really sweet email about how I will be okay, and how when I was little and fell off my bike, I would always bounce right up and make a snarky comment. (He didn't use the word snarky, but it was implied.) I'm going home next weekend, so we'll see how things go.
C. People understand and want to help, but a lot don't know how to handle it. (Of course, I don't even know how to handle it, so...) I am very anti-talking about it right now, mainly because it makes me cry and I don't like talking and crying. Thus I am blogging instead (CW will finally get her posts on a regular basis). Plus writing helps, and it has been shown that writing out bad memories or events gets them out of your head. But the support has been really nice. It makes me cry, but it's been nice.
D. Sleeping pills are kind of awesome and kind of not. Awesome because I hate night. I sit there and think and try to sleep and think some more. A sleeping pill (my first was last night) helps shut down the thinking, even if it didn't send me right to sleep. Kind of not because I was a bit out of it for the first couple of hours of the day. I'm not really ready to blame this on the pill; afterall, I haven't really been eating enough (I'm trying, I'm starving, but when I eat, I feel like I'm going to throw up. I think I may have to try to drink all my meals for a while, and no, not alcoholic meals. But Slim Fasts and milkshakes.), and there are good reasons for me to feel braindead.
E. I am probably depending entirely too much on How I Met Your Mother. But I'm at the part now where Lily and Marshall break up. And I feel very much like Marshall. So watching him mourn and cry and be all miserable and then get through it makes me feel like there is hope. And watching Barney teach him how to date... was entertaining and again hopeful. And I know he and Lily wind up back together, and a part of me totally hopes that happens. Not now (well, I'd love it now, but I don't know that that would be wise), but eventually. Because it's not like we broke up because we weren't compatible or didn't love each other. We both had issues and those issues strangled things a bit. I feel like I've worked through a lot of mine, but SB has some things he needs to figure out. And he can probably do that better on his own. That's going to take time, and I'm still going to have to go through this. I recognize that, but... maybe? Later? I know that that might be a bad hope to hold on to. And I'm going to try not to. Because if things don't work out like that and he winds up with someone else, then I'm going to be pretty upset when that happens. Especially if I'm not with someone else then. Whereas if it does happen and I'm not expecting it, there is no added pain. It's just so hard to completely readjust your hopes and plans and thoughts and future... He was kind of a stabalizing factor in all that, and now? Now everything's all open. Which could eventually be exciting, or maybe not, or whatever, but right now? Right now, it's terrifying.
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