I didn't mention, but my awesome roommate dropped out. It sucks for me, but more for her because she dropped out because she moved home because of parental health problems. It' s just one more little added stress. Plus I was actually looking forward to moving in with her...
I'm exhausted. I'm not really sleeping well, I'm not really eating well. I want to eat well; I'm really hungry, but eating is too much effort and every time I eat, I feel sick. I miss him SO freaking much, it's ridiculous. And we emailed yesterday, which I can't decide how I feel about it. It was like 98% logistics, but it was still that connection which I so desperately want. But the fact that I want it so desperately is a sign that I probably shouldn't have it. Especially since even that short email reignited all my ridiculous fantasies about getting back together. Which I know isn't wise, because he had things to work out and clearly wasn't really able to work them out with me in the picture. And writing seems to be too much effort, too, even though it really helps. I think I might be getting towards the depressed stage. wee...
I have decided that there seems to be a common symptom. Everyone I know who has been with the same person since college seems to have this twinge of regret. Not that they are with the person they are with, since I always said with SB that I didn't need to be with other people to know that what we had was great. It's more a recognition that while dating sucks, parts of it do have their appeal, like the firsts and whatnot. If you marry your first serious SO, you miss out on getting those other firsts more times. Not that that in any way counteracts all the other good parts of being in those solid relationships, and not that it's really a true regret. More of a wistful acknowledgement.
No comments:
Post a Comment