This Thanksgiving was not quite the break from stress I was hoping for. In fact, it kind of wound up being a multi-layered emotional roller coaster. The top (and best) layer was getting to see my family, particularly my immediate family as they don't stress me out. We also had some extended family over. I love all my family, but some times they can wear me out. Plus my dad hadn't told the extendeds about me and SB, so within ten minutes of them getting here, I was face-to-face with the whole awkwardness of the situation. (My dad did have cute and understandable reasons for not telling them, but it made things harder these past couple of days.) And one of my aunts is not known for tact, so I got to listen to her talking about the whole thing all over again when my other aunt called on Thanksgiving and while I stared stone-faced at my knitting and pretended I didn't hear.
The next layer would be shear panic and annoyance about the next couple of weeks and school. Thanksgiving had to come at the worst time this year, and as soon as I get back, I shall have to fling myself madly into work for the next 10-12 days.
I also have decided that there are certain friends of mine that I am tired of making all the effort for. I'm not saying that I expect crazy nice things out of them, but seriously? An email every once in a while, a phone call, a coffee date? Is that too much to organize? It'd be one thing if they just didn't do that. It's when I see them making the effort with other people that I get annoyed. I don't have the mental energy to worry about this stuff. (And if you're reading this blog, I'm not talking about you.)
It doesn't help that all the stress plus the holidays plus the fact our anniversary would have been next week have made me very nostalgic and sad. I did even email him. It wasn't a fluff email (it did have some "I miss you," but it also had some "here's why I'm angry). I just wrote it as a catharsis, but then I decided to send it. I'm not expecting any real response, but it made me feel better. I was tired of having those conversations in my head. I mean, a part of me is hoping for a response, a reconnection, possibly a new beginning. Let's not kid ourselves, here. But mostly, I just wanted it out there.
2 comments:
If I had more money, I'd fly out for a coffee date once a month. :) - whit
I’ve written the "e-mail that you don't end up sending.” It’s very cathartic. I hope it was for you too. :-) Sorry you had to deal with the family nonsense. They aren’t always good about that sort of thing.
~Emily K
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