Happy Non-Anniversary to Me

Today would have been six years. Last year, it snowed on our anniversary and I thought it was lovely and he thought it was annoying because it freaked out all the drivers. This year, I ran errands, bought myself some lovely pajama pants on sale and a DVD, and am working on a paper. All alone. I also freaked out yesterday because he apparently has gotten on Facebook. Which is kind of a dumb thing to freak out about, but I felt like Facebook was a safe online area, one where the only mentions of him would come if someone asked me something. That I would have the control over whether or not his name came up. And now… now I’ll have to watch myself. Of course, given his complete and utter ignoring of my existence, which still continues, he’ll probably avoid me much more completely than I’d ever try to avoid him (Ironic, since he was the one who argued for staying friends. I know I’ve said that before, but the irony remains). I can’t decide if it’s because he had long ago stopped really caring about me and now could care less about having the common courtesy of occasionally responding, or if he’s just in too much pain and contacting me would make it worse. I hope it’s the second for multiple reasons, one of which is that it’ll prove me right. I like being right. Though I still think the second one is selfish. Especially since he initiated the break-up.

I also have realized that it’s not in the first few weeks you have to worry about calling or contacting. I had no real problems refraining then. I was too wrapped up in pain and pride to want to contact him then. But now… Now I can hardly stop myself. It’s like picking at a scab or something. I had some eggnog and rum last night, and promptly sent three texts. I mean, it’s not like I text him all the time. At most once a week. Which actually would be less if I ever got a response. Since I don’t, it’s like throwing stuff out into thin air. Who cares? It has no impact, no consequences. And most of them are positive and negative simultaneously enough to be rather neutral.

In the other funness that is my life, my new(er. It’s about three years old) laptop’s charger has stopped working, meaning I had to pull out my old laptop. Which actually isn’t as annoying as it might be. I mean, this thing has it’s glitches and I can’t do a number of things since the operating system is Windows 98 (meaning iTunes won’t run and I can’t update Firefox), but it is much lighter than my new one and doesn’t get scalding hot. Plus I’ve written a good number of papers on here and am fairly used to the keyboard. And actually like it. It might be my favorite typing keyboard ever. (Which sounds weird, but I’m assuming you guys get it. Certain keyboards have sizing/pressure issues.)