I just got off the phone with our press consultant about our newsletter. And man. My mind is about to implode or collapse or something. I have the feeling that she is all like, "Crap, this girl doesn't know what she's doing." Which is true. I've never taken an extremely basic, undefined newsletter and turned it into something of more worth. And no one here really knows what they are doing, either. Besides the press consultant. I talked to my supervisor about it. The conversation went something like this:
Me: We should really have more of a format for the newsletter, especially if boss-lady wants to have outside writers, which she does. That is going to take a lot more (any) organization.
Him: How so?
Me: Well, we might want some kind of timeline, first of all, so we can give them deadlines.
Him: Write one, then.
And now, I have four pages of notes on post-its (the big ones, with the lines) and my head hurts slightly. Sigh. And my supervisor actually referenced Vanilla Ice in reference to my coffee. I'm beginning to think he's hopeless.

On to happier thoughts, the pet people on livejournal are much nicer than the general livejournal population. I asked them for vet recommendations and the responses just poured in. I think I might actually go with the vets at PetSmart. I'm tempted by the Alexandria Veterinary Hospital which has gotten rave reviews, but they are more expensive. And with PetSmart, which got pretty good reviews, you can buy a whole care package on a monthly payment plan. And it's ridiculously close to my apartment, which is really good, since Cassy does not seem to enjoy car rides. I did realize why the names Cassy and Callie have been floating in my head lately. I've been reading Middlesex and the main character is named Cal/Callie. Which is quite close to Cassy, so... Cassy did cry this morning when I left. It was very sad. I closed the door behind me and was waiting for the elevator and I heard these little meows. She is such a goof, though. Frantically dashing all around my apartment before collapsing for a few minutes and then starting again. And she begs for food. I have to feed her right before we eat, because otherwise, she climbs all over and yowls. I think she just rests up during the day so she can go nuts when I get home. Sigh. I wish I were home right now.

I did get thanked by a woman for helping set up a meeting. That was nice. People usually gloss over me, since they don't really interact wiht me beyond the scheduling. So I appreciated the attention.

KITTY

This is my kitty. I love my kitty. She is strange and wonderful and a little whiney, actually, in that she enjoys meowing. A lot. In a high pitch tone. For no good reason. She also enjoys frantically running around my studio, so you'll be sitting there, watching tv and see something gray and white dart across the room and dive under the bed. Then she peeks out to see if it's safe and then darts behind the chair or into the closet. It's highly entertaining. She has a little bit of a hurt leg (no, she didn't get hurt with me! It was her previous caretakers.) Apparently, she pulled a muscle when she got her claw stuck in something and couldn't get it out. Which I can understand. Those claws are freakishly prickly and I am going to cut them as soon as I get some cat-nail clippers. She also completely passes out when she's sleeping, enough so that Spyboy and I can transfer her from lap to lap with her hardly noticing. I have named her (I think. I'm still not 100% settled on it.) Cassie, short for Cassiopeia. Sorry, Michelle. Spyboy wanted to name her after an actual person, too, but I couldn't think of anyone I'd want to name my kitten after. He was all, "Be like Lorelai and Paul Anka and you have to use teh full name." When I asked him for suggestions of a person, he kept coming out with people like Jessica Simpson or Britney Spears. I am NOT naming an animal after people like them. Plus, with Cassy, if I get another cat in the future, I can name her Andromeda and call her Andy. Sigh. I wish I were at home with my kitty right now. Though she is probably tearing up the apartment. When I left, she was doing that weird little hoppy thing that cats do when they are curious about something, but afraid of it at the same time. She also tried to climb my fridge. The sadest thing, though, is that she keeps looking for her siblings to play with. She sees reflections of herself in the tv, then goes behind the tv to find the cat back there. And she runs around mewling. It breaks my heart. I know she'll get over it soon, but still. I just want her to be happy...

Kitten Countdown

Okay, the kitten countdown begins. We are prepped and ready.

One thing. Any ideas for names?

Spying on myself

Ha. I'd been wondering who in McLean read my blog (maybe real spies or something), but I just realized that our provider must be in McLean. I, therefore, am my own spy. Sigh. Well, I guess I can be relieved, since I don't REALLY want the government watching what I write.

Though, speaking of government, Bush's speech to the NAACP seemed like canned crap. Full of warm fuzzies and no real substance. Anyways.

Today has not gotten off to a great start. Not a bad start. But not a great one. First of all, my shoes. I bought three pairs of comfortable shoes, for the sole (!) purpose of looking professional while not dying. I've worn two of the three pairs this week. And I have blisters. But, see, I don't really blame the shoes. I blame my skin. I have had ridiculously sensitive skin. The other day I was holding bottles while shopping at CVS. Held the bottles for a few minutes, and a few minutes only. I had little red dents on my arms for HOURS. The shoes? don't even hurt. I don't even feel them rub until the blisters pop out. It's just annoying. Then, some jerk on the metro shoved her way on. It wasn't even crowded. Everyone was going to be able to get on the train. And she just pushed her way past everyone, squeezing by some poor old woman to steal her seat. It was mean. Then this tourist starts chatting with a commuter. I have no respect for this commuter. None at all. And here is why. First, she keeps telling this guy that he should go to the Newseum. Which might be great. IF IT WERE OPEN. And, even if it were open, he wouldn't be able to find it since she said it was still in Arlington. Now that was not so bad. Uninformed, yes, old news, yes, but not that bad. The thing that made me lose the most respect for her? The tourist asks her where she works. She replies, "The IMF." Seeing his blank look, she tries to say what IMF stands for. AND CANNOT. She gets as far as "international" and then ends with, "I dunno, something to do with money." I mean, honestly. I would be mildly suprised if someone around here didn't know what the IMF was, just due to the protests and politics here. But for someone working there to not know what the anagram is for? And it's not like it's hard... IMF=International Monetary Fund. I kind of wanted to smack her. Then she was all like, "I just got married, so I'm not thinking too well." Yeah, did all the sex destroy your brain?! Because we might want to have scientists look into that. I mean, if too much sex kills brain cells, the religious right might have a point they could use. I could understand if she was distracted during an intellectual discussion by thoughts of her new marriedness. But give me a break.

Would you like a mint to get rid of the taste of foot?

I feel like an elephant is sitting on my head. I blame the heat. I always blame the heat. I hate hot weather.

Anyways, I've decided that Site Meter is a bad, bad thing. I've become obsessed with it. Not really obsessed so much as... no, it really is obsessed. I must know how many hits I get! Then I try and think of ways to get more. I mean, most of my friends already know about this blog. I'm not telling my family, which means I can't put it in my email signature. I don't really get on instant messenger anymore, so I can't put it there... the funny thing is while I care about the numbers, I don't really care. Not enough to do more than I want to.

It always surprises me that, even though Spyboy and I have been together for nearly four years, he can still stick his foot so far in his mouth, he gags. He did that last night. One of the main things I've had to get over during our relationship is his history. He was a bit slutty before he met me. Not horribly slutty, but compared to me. I mean, he got to be nearly my first everything. And him? Oh, he was definitely used goods. Combine the inequalities with my own insecurities, and you've got a storm brewing. It all blew up our first summer together and created a lot of the problems we are still working out. I got depressed and starting comparing myself to them, or what I thought they were like. I didn't help that I knew one was a quasi-anorectic who liked to participate in wet tee-shirt contests. But I've been good lately! And by lately, I mean the past couple of years. Every once in a while, I have a short resurgence, but it goes away. So last night, I was trying to be sweet. Because, while he was slutty, Spyboy was not very well-trained in some ways. So I like to offer encouragement, which I was doing, and all of a sudden, he comes out with, "Yeah, well, it's not like I hadn't had anyone to learn with before." Which I know doesn't sound that bad. It's not so much what he said, but that he said it. I'm not mad or anything, more flabbergasted at his own lack of thinking. Almost as soon as he said it, too, he felt bad. You could kind of watch him realizing that he had gone into forbidden territory. Which means something. It'd mean more if I didn't have to listen to him put himself down for the rest of the week because of it. Why can he not translate guilt into presents? Like flowers.

Demon Duck of Doom

MSN amused me greatly today. I read MSN mainly for the weird news. Then I get to turn to my coworkers, or, since one is only a wall away, I just yell and say, "Hey, did you know..." They don't read MSN, so the answer is usually "no" and I feel smart. Since my coworker a wall away is out of the country (stupid girl gets to go to Italy for two weeks...), I shall snicker online.

First of all is this. I mean, the title of the article is "When killer kangaroos roamed the earth," and it has the phrase "demon duck of doom" in the first paragraph. This proves my theory that at least some scientists have a weird and quirky sense of humor. You know they all say it "demon duck of dooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmm." Because how else could you say that? I mean really? So now I get the funny mental picture of a stuffy-looking man in tweed reporting to a class, going through his slides. "And here, students, is the skeleton of a killer kangaroo, also known in the science community as the "demon duck of doooooooooooooooooooooooommmmm..." THey should make movie or a comic strip or something off of this.

Second was this proposal, highly pertinent after the Daily Dump's discussion of proposals recently. And highly entertaining. I mean, the guy had his girlfriend kidnapped by fake aliens before he proposed to her. And her family was there, hiding, stalking her throughout the museum. How is any part of this not hilarious? And the guy's main reasoning is that the girl calls him "her alien man." Does this mean that Spyboy will propose by darting me, having people kidnap me to some unknown location, and then torturing me until I say yes? I hope not... I'm not that kinky...

Anyways, we are now counting down to kitten ownership. I have to admit, I'm kind of tempted to take both available kittens. I don't want my kitten to get lonely by itself. But then again. I live in a studio. Two kittens could go insane and completely destroy everything in my apartment in like five minutes. We'll see. I'm only going to prepare for one, but if I go to get that one and completely fall in love with both... well, let's just say I'm not ruling it out.

Interesting day of comments

I may or may not have just pimped myself out for a sugar daddy on The Daily Dump. I also have been called weak for complaining about the heat. I still say I'm going to complain about the heat. If I'm hot and sweaty and the air is toxic (which it is right now), I have the right to whine about it. It's more the air that bothers me right now than anything else. And yes, I did do some work today. I am currently waiting for Adobe to load a document I had to find online. It's taking forever, so here I am.

Sidenote: Why would you take work into the bathroom with you? I was just in there and a girl was rustling papers and THEN she took a work call. Hello? That's what offices are for... I pity the people who have to work with those papers. Ew.

Anyways, the main news is that I might be getting a kitten. Spyboy's coworker found some absolutely adorable kittens and needs to give them away. I mean, SO cute. Big blue eyes, gray and white fur. Absolutely adorable. And Spyboy has promised to pay for the shots and I found a place in DC that will spay/neuter cats for free. The only foreseeable problem is having a kitten in a studio. That and I looked on a website for how to kitten-proof your apartment and there is SO much I hadn't thought about. Like floss being dangerous. Or cats apparently being deathly allergic to like 18 common plants, including most lillies. Or cats being able to fit into tiny spaces and get stuck. What can I do to keep my kitten from climbing behind my stove?! I can't keep it out of the kitchen; I have no door... I have the feeling that I may be overthinking these things. Afterall, many people have managed to have a kitten and not kill it accidentally. and then I would have a kitten to snuggle with... Though I've already warned Spyboy that he might get jealous of a kitten. I mean, he already claims to be jealous of my teddy bear and body pillow...

New depths: The Condom in the Urinal Story

Well, yesterday the 20's and 30's group at church reached a new low. See, every Sunday we all go to lunch after the service. It's a fun group, nobody's too uptight. In the past, we have had some racy discussions. The discussion about the stretch hummer, for example, and other ways one might interpret that phrase. Yesterday, though, we declared a new low. See, one of the guys decided to bring up a story from his latest trip to Russia. It wasn't the greatest story, or the dirtiest. Basically what happened was that he went to Russia and was in a busy restroom. I mean, line-out-the-door busy. He looks down, there is a condom in the urinal. Basically, end of story. But no. Our group decides to discuss the story. To think about various possible scenarios. The storyteller's favorite option was stockroom action. One girl mentioned that maybe the guy had just forgotten to take it off "at the appropriate moment," so he went to go to the bathroom, pulled it out, and pulled the condom off. We all got a chuckle off of that one. We talked about the gay scenarios (if it was a bathroom hook-up, why wasn't it in a stall?), the busy-ness of the bathroom was mentioned several times, the conversation basically went on for way too long. My favorite moment, though, was when one girl was trying to think of innocent, non-dirty ways the condom got there. She got as far as, "See, maybe this guy was making balloon animals," before I started snickering. "And he just wanted to show off his talent and no one really carries around balloons with them in their back pocket..." It was a valient effort. And it failed miserably.

She also talked about using condoms as water balloons, which of course reminded me of the time Peggy, Emily, me, and Whitney filled condoms with water and then walked around like we had penises. It was strange, but entertaining. Which basically sums up my dorm in college.

It's been a rough week.

Thank God it's Friday. And I'm not saying that in some cheesy way. I'm saying that because I desperately need this weekend to be here.

So, since I am tired and stressed, I'm merely going to reminesce. Though, as a sidenote, I am very proud of myself. All the stress doesn't seem to have had too many physical effects. So screw you and your meds, doctor!

The other day at work, we were talking about soccer and sports and, eventually, ultimate frisbee. Which reminded me of my ultimate days in college. Not that I was very good or hardcore or anything, but still. See, there was a big field next to my dorm and every Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday, people met to play. Some of the people were really good. Some of them were really intent upon winning. I didn't like those people. Some of the people were really good, but recognized that some of the other people there weren't. Those were the ones who tried to help you improve. I remember one guy telling me that I needed to yell more for the frisbee when I was open. I nodded, but I was really thinking, "Then they'll throw it to me. And none of us want that." My dorm had a big contigent out there and one of my friends who lived on the first floor eventually badgered me until I came. Well, I had one, unmentionable, other reason, but we'll not go into that. It was just a lot of fun. I didn't really do much besides run up and down the field, and I felt horribly out of place. But the people were, for the most part, really nice. And there is nothing better than being outside, playing a game at the time of year where it's either just warming up or just cooling down. The air is all crisp and it just feels good to be outside. I did like that, while I felt rather schlubby all the time, there were positive comments about me. Or at least my ass. But hey. I'll take what I can get. Adn there was this one time where I made a sweet block. The frisbee was all flyign by me and I was like, "Hell, no, frisbee! The ground is your home!" And slammed it down. Like the highlight of the whole time I played.

This other time, guys turned the wet ground into a slip and slide. I kept waiting for them to hit a rock. Sadly, they didn't. It was funny, though. I miss those times.

One of the best parts, though, was coming back to the dorm afterwards. It was after midnight, you were all warn out. You'd take a shower and just feel that physical exhaustion that only comes from spending a long time outside, running around.

Mixed bag

So I was officially informed of my coworker's departure today. In a staff meeting. Everyone else gets a private meeting, but I just get it tossed at me? Apparently, I don't merit a private meeting. I am supposed to be picking up a few new, undefined responsibilities, but who knows. I did find a new perfect job that I am so going to apply for. I'm excited.

It is ridiculously hot out there right now. It reminds me of my first time in the Philippines. We got off the plane and it was just brutal. Like a wet blanket. I remember thinking that, actually. Pretty precocious for a 6-year-old.

Anyways, something has been bothering me for the past six months or so and work brought it up again today. There have been all these organizations trying to encourage more girls to stay interested in math and science. Which is a good thing. But they completely ignore every other aspect of life and education. Not necessarily the programs themselves, but their pr. That bothers me. Especially since more and more businesses are saying that people don't know how to communicate and that this is a major problem. And some of these commercials are written in such a way that it sounds like only scientists and math majors can be successful. Hello? As an English graduate, this obviously bothers me. Not that I can prove them wrong at this stage in life, but still. Not relevant. By all means, girls, be scientists. Do whatever makes you happy. But if you make some huge discovery and can't communicate it, what will you have gained?

Also, grammar nazis will take over the world.

Broken promises

Well, I promised myself that I wouldn't talk about my job on here, since it seems that it can be a bit dangerous. I don't care anymore. My supervisors are just being completely ridiculous. And if you read this, hello! You are being ridiculous!! See, what mainly started the whole souring of the office atmosphere was one person. She felt frustrated with her work, the office's supposed views, and the many hypocrisies that are hidden in our actual policies. She decided that she didn't need any of this; she'd had enough. So she decided to resign. Now remember, this is a single digit office. We don't have that many people. And we like to chat. So when both higher level people were out of the office, she talked about it a lot. We knew what she was thinking, what she was going through. In doing so, she brought out the frustration hidden inside of us. Or at least me. She turned in her letter of resignation over a week ago. They still have not told me. I think they expect me not to know. They just told my other coworker Friday. And the thing is, it's not like we have people ready and waiting to do the person's work. We all have to rebalance it. She leaves in two weeks. And they actually think I don't know?! Give me a break.

Sometimes it seems like every time I start getting things figured out, start getting my feet back under me, something else (or 19 something elses) come and knock me over again.

Anyways, my solo debut at my current church went relatively well. Relatively well in that it wasn't amazing, but not bad either. People enjoyed it. The sheer number of choir members who came up to me afterwards and said, "where have you been hiding that voice?" was a bit of a surprise. Since I think every other choir I have ever been a part of has known my voice pretty well. I'm not a quiet choir member. I try to blend, really, I do. But if a director's asking for more second soprano, I'm going to sing louder! Well, apparently I have not been singing loud enough. I blame not singing seriously for a couple of years. My voice is ridiculously weak, my range has shrunk, voice quality gone down. Sigh. The prime of my voice and I'm wasting it. Makes me a bit sad.

My dad came up to listen to me sing, which was nice of him. And he bought me stuff for bike-riding, so maybe I'll actually take my bike out of my closet. Bike, come out of the closet! We went to see Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest, which was highly entertaining. I spent a good portion of it giggling. Though, two main complaints. One. Could they have the top of Kiera's dress ANY closer to her nipples? It was close to being another "wardrobe malfuction." Only the wardrobe wouldn't be malfuctioning, it would just be succumbing to gravity. Two. Not nearly enough topless men. There was one scene where Orlando Bloom's shirt was ripped off and you could see his lovely back. It was very nice and I don't really care that much about Orlando Bloom. Especially in any non-Legolas roles... Other than that, the main irritants were the other people in the theater. Someone's cell phone rang. Twice. Someone brought a 3-year-old who was relatively good for a kid that age. Meaning he screamed several times, cried several times, and got fidgety not too far into the movie. It was crowded. I hate people. But pretty good movie. I'd recommend it.

Zach Braff, you can do better!

My coworker just informed me that Perez Hilton is reporting that Zach Braff is dating Jessica Simpson. Are you freaking kidding me?! Zach is young, cute, intelligent, quirky, AND funny, and he wants to date Jessica Simpson?! I say it again. Zach, you can do better! Mandy Moore was better and I still have yet to forgive her for A Walk to Remember. Seriously, Mandy. I want my two and a half hours back. And the brain cells that committed suicide to avoid the monotony that was that movie. I could probably use those back as well. Either way, Zach, you are majorly disappointing me. I mean, I know that air-heads are now hip and in in Hollywood. But fight the trend and go for someone who can actually have a conversation with you.

In other news, I am apparently living inside The Devil Wears Prada. Not that my boss is evil... just... frustrating. We'll leave it at that.

I'm a bitch...

What can I say, I'm on a big song kick lately. Why songs pop into my head everytime I come up with a title, I'm not sure. I guess it fits my little description, though.

And the song is particularly apt this week. I don't know why, but I've been so cranky lately. And no, it's not hormonal. I'm just cranky. People annoy me and I'm tired of them. Brent got to be the first who had to experience this, just because I see him the most and am the most comfortable with him. Next, it's my fellow commuters. They'd better watch out, too. I'm about done with having them shove their way in front of me. Not that I'm much better, though I try not to be rude. But people, come on. It is NOT necessary to try and shove your way to the door a whole minute before the metro gets to the stop. You're just forcing everyone off balance. The only time it might be necessary is when it's really crowded and that's when people have no where to go. So you're all like, "excuse me, I need to get through." Meanwhile, I'm hanging on to a pole by a finger, with one guy's bag in my need, a single inch of extra space for my feet, an elbow in my back, trying not to smoosh or hit someone with my stuff. You can damn well wait until the train stops, and moving will not either cause me to fall over or to hit someone. Of course, these people trying to get out way too early would be helped if people would actually move out of the doorway to let other people off. It's ridiculous. Someday I'm going to come into work and it's going to be because I got in a brawl on the metro.

The next people to face my wrath are those on the internet. There are just so many snotty people who think they are more intelligent than everyone else. God help you if you disagree with them. Well, you know what people. There will ALWAYS be someone more intelligent than you. And there is always the possibility that they might disagree with your opinion or that, horror of horrors, you might be wrong. Welcome to the real world. Grow up and deal with it.

Strangely, I'm not actually in a bad mood. Just... aggrieved and irritable.

I can see clearly now the rain is gone.

It's so nice not to have 100% humidity. I was a little disappointed, though, that I had to go to work. I was kind of hoping the Potomac would flood and I wouldn't have to. Not very nice, I guess, when you consider that the magnitude of the flood would cause hundreds of thousands of dollars in damage and destroy the homes of many people without flood insurance. I would feel bad for them, really I would. I'd just rather sleep in. Plus, it didn't happen, so it's all good. Except that I'm still tired.

I was just thinking about how on top of things I'd been and then I realized I forgot to reschedule a meeting. Oh well. I'll do it tomorrow. Also, I hate InDesign. I know that there are all these supposed benefits. I say they're crap, because all I want to do is move stuff or recolor stuff and I can't. Susan and I literally spent 2 hours one day trying to crop a foot. Trying to crop, people! Of course, I know now that you can't crop because you have these stupid anchor points defining the image and you can only move the anchor points around to change stuff. Knowing more does not mean I like it more. Because I don't. It's still crap.

It's raining men, hallelujah!

Yeah, Bridget Jones was on the other night. I made Spyboy watch it. Well, at least the second half. It came on again later, but I let him switch over to Iron Chef. I mean, I did get to see my favorite scene, where Hugh Grant and Colin Firth go flying through the window while "It's Raining Men" plays in the background. I just love it.

This rain, though? Not loving it so much. We won't even get into the horrors of the commute yesterday. Though I may have been a bit snotty to Spyboy because of it. But here's the scenario. He calls while I'm waiting for my bus and says, "hey, let's just meet at Pentagon City for dinner." I figure I can just jump on a 16 bus from the Pentagon, get off a block away, have a short little walk, and it'll be good. But I panicked and got off a little early and had to walk several blocks. While I'm walking, Spyboy calls me, wondering where I was. So I answer, tell him. Meanwhile, I get to an intersection consisting of a four-lane road and the off/on-ramps for 395, which are six-lanes wide. There is no pedestrian crosswalk sign. There is no crosswalk. I can't cross over the other way any easier. So I get half way across, Spyboy still talking. I can't look left (I hurt my neck and can only turn one way). It's raining. I've got my umbrella up, further impeding visibility. Cars are speeding off the interstate towards me. I'm crossing with the light, but you've still got the people turning right out to kill me. Plus it's humid as all get out and I can feel the sweat dripping. It was just gross. And I'm still on the phone with Spyboy. As soon as I heard the words, "I don't feel well. It's just too hot out," from the boy whose outside time consists of walking to and from his car AND who did not have a hellish commute into the city that morning, I snapped a bit. And kind of hung up on him, with a bit of a warning. Hey. I never claimed to be a nice or sympathetic girlfriend...

Along those lines, Susan has declared that I should rename this blog "Bitchfest," in honor of all my stories about Spyboy. I find that a bit amusing. And it makes me feel a tad bit guilty. Oh, well. All the stories are true. Though, in his defense, Spyboy did give me neckrubs, take out the recycling, unload half the dishwasher, and cook a frozen dinner for me on Sunday. It was sweet. He then declared that I was not allowed to be mad at him last night (which I wasn't) because of his good deeds the night before.

I'm back...

I've discovered a problem with this whole blogging thing. Mainly, I'm lazy. If I don't have tons of stuff to do, I don't want to do much of anything. The main reason Spyboy and I leave my apartment on some weekends is because there is no food in my apartment. And watching the Food Network is absolute torture when you are starving.

See, before I left, I was getting stuff that I needed done at work. Well, kind of. We all slowed down a bit after our mass chaos. Then I went home. Which was amazing. I LOVE my parents' new house. It feels so European. There is a fountain in the front and a lake in the back and many, many decks. It was so quiet and peaceful. It was disappointing, though, because Friday night I was supposed to see my old choir director do a jazz performance at this big band thing in Chattanooga. He, however, got really sick and cancelled. I did get to see a great band, Yo Momma's Big Fat Booty Band. This band is honestly one of the strangest collections of people I have ever seen in a band. I mean, there is the lead singer, who is this skinny black man wearing one of those head tie things that is so long it looks like a cape. There is the nerdy white boy who plays the sax and somehow makes you think that his girlfriend must be a very lucky girl and who occasionally says something in an insanely low voice. There is the crazy white guy, who was wearing multi-colored, knee-high Big Bird socks, a tilted huge hat, and bright orange shorts. There were the two cool black guys, and the one cool white guy. Then, randomly, belly dancers who were a part of the previous band jump on stage adn start belly dancing. Meanwhile, there is a redneck with a mullet jamming with all the hippies at the front of the stage. And one of the girls at the front dancing like they were on drugs HAD to have been double-jointed. I've never seen someone's shoulder move like that! It was bizarre. The whole thing was bizarre. But it reminded me of one of the better parts of the south. People might be hicks, they might not be the most cultured or best educated, they might be high, but they are going to be themselves fully and enjoy it no matter what other people think. And I can respect that.

The rest of the stay at home was pretty uneventful. Saw some friends, ate some food, did lots of sudoku. Which is seriously addictive. My whole family is now addicted. My mom is pushing grad school. I was thinking of trying to become a Rhodes Scholar and going back to Oxford. The thought kind of scares me, but in an exciting way. I mean, I loved Oxford and I loved being challenged. But it was hard being in another country. You can say that America and Britain are similar, and they are, but just up to a point. There is definite culture shock. I was so emotionally tired when I got back. How would I feel after two years? And what if the work is too hard for me? But it's such a great opportunity and it's one that I have to try for now, considering there is an age limit. I keep going back and forth. Plus Spyboy won't tell me how he feels about it. I know he wouldn't be excited about me leaving for that long, but I asked him what he thought would happen to us if I left, and his answer was just "I don't know." Not exactly comforting. I think I've decided to go ahead and apply, though, and worry about the rest when (if) I get accepted. I mean, they only take like 30 people total.

Things not to tell your boyfriend without a preface

Apparently, telling your boyfriend that other people wanted you to tell him that he's not a good finisher may be somewhat insulting. Especially as the conversation immediately preceeding this comment was about the racy things bloggers were talking about. Spyboy was not pleased and remained a bit peeved even after I told him that I was talking about his double, Frank Lampard, in regards to his performance in the soccer match against Trinidad yesterday. See, several people I know are soccer fans and several of them think Spyboy resembles Frank. So yesterday, when Susan and I were watching the match, whenever Frank was shown, she'd say, "hey, it's your boyfriend." When he continually missed possible shots, she started yelling, "Him! It's your boyfriend AGAIN!" Eventually, it got to the point where she'd just yell "You!" And once the announcers declared that Lampard was getting in there and getting position for shots, but having a hard time finishing... Well, it was declared that I had to tell him. I probably should have told him when I was talking about the match, though, not when I was talking about funny lines other people had heard in bed. Oh well. Live and learn...

Also, I should just stop reading anything this Administration says. Because every time I read another one of their ridiculous statements and, worse, see the average population buying it, I get angry. Like today. The Post had an article on the debates in the House and Senate on the war in Iraq and the various political games people are playing. It's interesting, and mildly frustrating, because the Dems are not playing their best game. But the thing that annoyed me most was a quote from Dear Old Cheney basically again calling Kerry a flip-flopper. I mean, come on. You are beating a dead horse here. THat was an argument that shouldn't have worked NEARLY as well as it did in the last elections and it definitely shouldn't still be around. So Kerry changed his mind. Once. Based on new facts. Which, I think, is a good thing. Much better than the current Administration's policy of never admitting you are, were, or ever could be wrong. Then Cheney twists the facts, saying that Kerry, as well as the rest of Congress, knew about the atrocities that Hussein was committing. Probably true. BUT THAT'S NOT WHY WE WENT TO WAR. If the Admin had gone to Congress and said, "Hey, this guy is nuts, we should get rid of him," Cheney might have a point. As it is, they wanted to go to war because Iraq had "weapons of mass destruction." Do they really think everyone is just going to forget that if they never mention it? Sadly, most people probably will. But not me. Hmph. Makes me want to toss a glass of wine in his face. Okay, so I jsut want to do that to someone anyways. But, hey. I could check something off my list AND get my point across...

Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll

So, I've started reading DC blogs. There is a really active blogging scene in DC and many of the bloggers are now real-life friends. My original goal was to become one of them. But the problem is... I don't think I'm quite hardcore enough for them. I mean, these people, according to their blogs, are a little crazy. Not all of them. But enough. I'm not judging them and their blogs are definitely interesting reads. I just feel like people clicking from their blogs to mine are going to be sorely disappointed. The past few days, I've read a blog about the worst lines said in bed (My favorite was "I can't get it up because I've already f***ed someone else today.), a trip to a swingers' party where the blogger met a poor girl who was dragged there by her fiance, one on whether or not it is possible to train a girl to be kinky... I mean, my friends talk about a wide variety of subjects, but usually not that specific. I was entertained a few weeks ago by a comment from one of the guys in the 20's and 30's group AFTER CHURCH which basically involved him pointing out the possible dirty connotations of "stretch hummer." This week's after-church discussion mainly revolved around training cats to ride on ponies, or possibly training minature ponies to ride on BIG (like tigers) cats. Of course, the big cats would need muzzles. Obviously we don't want to hurt any ponies here. But wouldn't that be great?! I'd totally pay to see a pony ride a cat. And if the cat were a liger? You'd totally make a killing with that.

In other mildly entertaining news, my mom has declared that she wants a blog. Why does she want a blog? Because she wants to post pictures and comments about her current projects. She wants something that she can lock so that no one else can see it. Both my brother and I questioned why she wants to have an online journal that no one can see, but she apparently thinks it'll be more fun like that. She also told me that I am not allowed to google and try and find her blog. Same to you, Mom! I did refrain from mentioning to her in my discussion of possible blogs that I myself have 3 1/2. Three real ones and another one that I can't remember the address of. The one I can't remember has the first few chapters of my much-acclaimed and never read novel from NaNoWriMo. I did have a moment of fear when I was glancing at where my MANY MANY (and by many, I mean few) readers are and I saw someone from the Boston area. Which is where my brother is. Interesting to think that we could, if my blog took off in some unforeseen way, wind up as dueling journalists. Anyways, I am no Daily Dump in that I am completely and totally weirded out by the thought of my close family reading this. And he talks about things like how his bed creaked during sex or what several sex terms (which I did NOT need to know) were. In fact, even recollecting those terms makes me shudder and reaffirms that people. are. weird.

A bad night for Wmata

Wmata, for those of you non-Washingtonians, is the office that runs Metro. And, let me tell you, they had a CRAPPY night last night. Which is okay with me because, thanks to the brush-off they gave me/the other people in my car and thanks to the shoddiness of the doors and the inefficiencies of having the emergency button only on the ends of the cars, it took me an hour and a half to get from Foggy Bottom to Ballston. Which is like five metro stops and usually takes under 20 minutes. See, what happened was that a train broke down on the blue line at in the middle of rush hour. Whenever that happens, all the other lines immediatly slow down and all the trains become very crowded. So, I push my way onto an Orange train, basically happy to have found room for myself and figured it would be the usual commute. Only slower. It wasn't. At Clarendon, a man on my train started yelling for someone to push the emergency button, that a woman was sick. Well, as I mentioned before, the emergency buttons are only on hte ends of the train. We were in the middle. So we start yelling at the people at the ends to press the button, but they can't really hear, so we pull the little door lever to get the door to stay open. Which it doesn't, so we repeatedly hear the woman's voice, "please stand clear, the doors are now closing." I was a bit freaked out since I didn't know what was wrogn with the woman. Turns out, it was an older woman who passed out from the heat, lack of moving air, and dehydration. She woke up and sat down and someone gave her some water. The woman said that she was okay, she was only going to Ballston and her daughter was picking her up there. We established that there were enough people getting off at Ballston to help her out of the metro and to make sure she got to her daugher safely. Two metro people meander through eventually. We tell them everythign is fine, but we can't get the door lever to go back down. They ignore us and wander off to tell the driver to drive on. Well, she tries to shut the doors; half our door won't shut because the lever is pulled. Some guy eventually figures out that there is a latch on the door pull, he gets it pushed it, we all cheer. Ah, too soon, though, for a few minutes later (the door still half open), we hear the announcement that, due to a broken door, the train is out of service and everyone has to get off. Now one train being emptied can cause back-ups forever, because there is no room on the next trains for a whole train of people to get on. So I figure, Spyboy is supposed to pick me up at Ballston, I'll just call and have him come pick me up. Forgetting that he had told me he forgot his phone. So I had to jump on a bus, bus up to Ballston, getting there an hour after I should have, and completely missing our dinner with other people.

I checked on the metro page today. THey had somewhere around six trains go out of service because of doors breaking. I was not pleased.

Spies and whatnot

My coworker Susan and I are now within feet of each other. And, more importantly, talking distance. I don't think we are going to get much work done.

In other news, I am sadly SO excited about going home this weekend. Plus my mom will all want to pamper me (due to the health problems) and maybe they'll buy me stuff. And it's so peaceful there, and quiet. Plus I get to play with my kitties. I miss having a kitty. I've decided that someone should give me one. And by someone, I mean Spyboy. Who apparently doesn't like being called Spyboy. But EVERYONE uses the bf or my so or tg (as the Daily Dump refers to his girlfriend). It's so... boring. And he spied on me when we first started dating. Well, not exactly spied. He spied online and stalked a bit online and then talked me into letting him come over. Plus DC is so full of intrigue and politics, it just makes things more fun. Our trolley tourguide (who wound up singing to us, strangely enough) informed us that there are thousands of spies in the area around the White House. And the CIA did tell me that I should join their office of Clandestine Affairs. Hehe. I'd be like the coolest spy EVER. Especially since I currently tell everyone almost everything. It makes things fun for me. I tell Spyboy what my friends say about him, I tell them what he says... It levels the playing field.

On a new topic, Susan has declared that I should post childhood pictures of me on here. Mainly because I forced her to look at them when I brought my laptop into work. And because the Liberal Banana did a hair style montage. But seriously. I was like the CUTEST baby EVER. So adorable. I looked like a doll. So I might eventually post some. When I have the time. And when I figure out how to.

My hands are frozen

I did discover that there is a Dunkin Donuts not too far from here. I harbor the belief that it is ensconced with the Baskin Robbins. Since my office is literally under 70 degrees, I may run out and get a coffee. If the rain stops. And if I don't cave and get a cappucino blast instead.

So, I have now declared that I am not a big fan of the medical community. Those of you who realize my dad is, in fact, a part of that community may be surprised. But here's the thing. Since my dad was a doctor and we lived in a small town, when I did need medical stuff, it was my dad's friends who were doing it. This could have made things awkward once I got into college and whatnot, but luckily, we don't believe in doctors, so I had no embarrassing yearly check-ups. Now all the priveledged treatment has gone out the window. And I now feel the need to write a letter to all doctors in general about their treatment. Because I know that you are busy and I know that you have patients lined up after me, but I also know that I got up at 7 on my day off to rush into the city because my health problems are making my life miserable. I also know that while you may have gone to medical school and can look at an abdominal ultrasound and tell which blurry thing is a liver or a kidney, I am the one who puts up with my symptoms and my body everyday and you should pull your head out of your ass and listen to what my intuition is telling me. Then, if you still agree with your original diagnosis, which is entirely a possibility, you should talk to me about what it means and what it doesn't, rather than pushing me out of your examining room like you don't have time for me. Again, I know that you are busy. But I am a person and I am unhappy and I am paying for the insurance that is paying your bills. So suck it up and develop some customer service. And now, the more research I do, the more questions I have. Is it possible that every single thing wrong with me currently has to do with chronic stress and my body's inability to deal with it? If my doctor is correct in his diagnosis, then I have three seperate, virtually untreatable diseases. You can treat the symptoms, but not the diseases themselves. Why would these all start about the same time, if not for the fact that they are caused by stress? Sigh. I'll just go home and ask my dad who'll ask his friend. I would just call my doctor, but they charge for phone questions and money is one source of stress in my life.

I did have a lovely conversation with my friend Amy this weekend that reminded me how lucky I am. As much as I might occasionally fade into the background and as often as some of my "friends" have forgotten about me, I know that there will always be a few people who are more devoted and kinder and think more of me than I can ever deserve. The fact is I have three people who would do almost anything for me and who would drop everything to be with me if I needed them. And the females so nicely balance each other out. One is fairly religious and so I can talk about faith-issues with her. The other is bawdy and experienced and always ready to give advice on physical matters. Sigh. Now if only I didn't live miles and miles away from both of them...

Also, I've decided that my office only THOUGHT we escaped 6/6/06. But I got cut right before teh end of the day (and getting sliced by glass that is falling from the smallest height is just bizarre)AND my coworker had that very morning dropped a big metal rod onto her toe, nearly breaking it. I blame it ALL on the day...

Drinking on Company Time...

So. Our annual event just ended. Thus the complete lack of updating or reading or sleeping, really, for that matter. Leaving me now so exhausted I am barely coherent. That's okay. Who needs to be coherent anyways? My first annual event was... actually pretty fun. We had way too much packed into Tuesday, so much so that when one of the panel members made us stand up because "it was 1:30," I almost cried. Mainly because I was convinced that it was secretly like 3:30 and I was looking forward to the dinner. Also, I was in charge of taking notes and my mind was tired of thinking. But the panels and speakers were prett interesting. And the hotel was AMAZING. I got to stay there because a few people cancelled last minute and we were going to have to pay for their rooms anyways. The showers? SO nice. The staff? Ridiculously friendly. The food? Delicious. The drinks? Free, or at least free to me. There were a few snafus, but hey. What conference is ever going to go exactly as planned. The fun part, though, was the conference attendees. They were so nice and so friendly and so supportive, it was insane. I can see why my boss is friends with many of them. I mean, they went over the top to try and make sure we knew they appreciated the work we were doing. They were friendly and welcoming and encouraging and funny. I know corporate people are not necessarily cold or conniving or evil, but when the main ones you see in the media are the c-suite level execs who are on trial, you tend to get a bad idea of them. But the people I met the past few days were great. The only truly down spot of the whole thing for me was when I knocked over my martini drink (due I am sure to an inherent clumsiness and sheer exhaustion). The glass then broke, the pieces of glass somehow hitting me in such a way that I now have a fairly large gash on my calf. LUCKILY almost everyone had left, mitigating the embarrassment factor, really the worst part in my eyes, and one woman sat with me and chatted while I tried to stop bleeding. Oh well. C'est la vie. Luckily I had sung earlier in the evening (after MUCH coaxing), and so people the next morning were talking more about that than my leg.

On another, blog-related note. The Liberal Banana is complaining because her reader count has gone down by 20 due to her lack of updating. I say HA! to that. I don't even have 20 readers to lose... I barely hit 20 last week total. Plus she is trying to do a drive to get internet at home. Now that I can stand behind. If only because I think my limited readers should support my internet need as well. I expect the checks to come pouring in. :-)

The Heat Is On

It is ridiculously hot out. I mean, absurd. I walk to work and am drenched when I get there. Susan and I got lost on the way from our office to the metro (yeah, it was a little sad. I make no excuses.) and I thought I was going to pass out from dehydration. Walking outside requires a "oh shit." It's not just the temperature, which, let's face it, is only in the 80's. Dear God. We have 100 degree temps still waiting for us. But we also have 94 percent humidity. This sucks. Hopefully, it storms tonight and things cool down, as the meterologists have been saying EVERY FREAKING DAY THIS WEEK. I hate them. I hate everyone. I almost shoved poor little tourists today. But hey. They were in my way and I'm not on vacation and I am shoving them out of my way so I can walk the horrible walk to my new office.

Plus we are now near the beginning of our annual event. My first. Where I get to a. pay attention to speakers, b.mingle, c.take good pictures, and d.not fall asleep despite getting very little sleep. Oh, and I get to wear suits for three days even though I do not have three suits or the parts to pretend that I do. Oh well. There are open bars. :-)

The death of clutter

Well the big move is over. My office now resides in another building, one with very few lunch options and a further walk to and from the metro. However, it will be close to a Baskin Robbins, so I can become more and more of an addict and the longer walk will be necessary just to keep me from developing cankles and a waddle. We currently have no internet, so I had to bring in my laptop and sign-up for a free month of NetZero just to check my email. We are all going through withdrawal, I think. I also can no longer just pop into my bank on my way to work and I THINK we might even be several blocks from a Starbucks. Sigh. And now we have to unpack everything we just packed last night. I did wind up getting wet on my way out of the building, because one of the guys we used to share offices with decided to bring a super-soaker to work. It was kind of fun. :-)

Now I am completely exhausted, plus I think I'm fighting off some kind of bug. A few people in my office don't feel so hot, plus SB's coworkers are all sick too. Which makes me sad, because I really want him to tell one of his coworkers about the light-up shoes and she's been out because of illness. I REALLY want to know what her reaction is. I imagine it as very funny.

The Beauty of the Rain

I looked at where all my many readers are coming from and saw one from England. which means Sarah might be reading this. If so, hi Sarah! Ah, good old England. I still occasionally miss England. And wonder what happened with all the drama that was going on before I left. I tried to get in touch with one of my housemates, but alas. He ignored me... (Literally. I emailed him twice, imed him twice, then gave up.)

I have declared this week to be the week of crap. First, one of my best friends breaks up with her boyfriend. For perfectly good reasons and she knows I completely support her, but it's hard to see her go through this again. At least this time, though, her ex is not some complete jerk who tempts me to fly back to Indiana for the sole purpose of ensuring that he can't have kids. Then Spyboy gets quasi-sick, which of course gets me sick. I screw up a bit at work and one guy gets snarky on me. When I'm sick, I'm emotional, so Spyboy and I had low-level fighting. Then I find out that my rent is going up. Not by the $15-$20 that I had been preparing myself for. No. By $50 freaking dollars. I have no money. I already can't pay for a good portion of my food, or my cell phone, or my car insurance. But I can't really find any place cheaper unless I move in with someone. Moving in with someone I don't know (because there aren't really any options among people I know) would make me stressed. Stress makes all of my physical problems act up worse. Which means more trips to the doctor, which means more money spent on healthcare, negating the savings of moving in with someone. Plus I'd want to find a place where I could have a cat. I've decided that once I have enough money, I will get a cat. It'd be good for my mental health.

And now, it's off home for a long weekend. I was thinking about coming in Monday, but, pleasantly enough, I don't think that I need to. Whee!! Of course, it'd be more pleasant if the rain right now would stop so I can get to the metro...

So much work

Somehow it seems that whenever I have tons and tons to write about, I just don't have the time to write it. Work right now is crazily busy. We're moving offices and planning our big event, so things are a bit crazy. BUT my coworker has been annoying me about writing about the wedding, so here we go.

First of all, I've already gotten in trouble with Spyboy for being snarky. And it was Indiana and Indiana can be tacky. And she is a nice girl; not exactly who I hoped the groom would have married, but I hope they are very happy for them. So, rather than making judgement calls or being snotty (I'm desperately worried that someday, somehow she might see this page), I will just point out the things about the wedding that made me go, "hmm... not exactly what I would have done." First thing: I would not have a Catholic wedding. Not being Catholic, this one is easy to understand. Plus, while I'm perfectly okay with Catholics, Catholic doctrine, particularly the "no one else can take Communion and since you aren't taking communion, we are better and holier than you are" attitude. Second thing: I would not have basic barbeque sandwiches or a beer truck at my reception. Again, though, this was Indiana, and they were trying to be cheap. Luckily, they provided champagne for the wedding party tables, where, thanks to Spyboy, I was seated.

Now, the aforementioned things did not make me want to laugh at all. I noted them, but did not not them so I could tell people about them later. The following I did.


First of all, these are close to the shoes that the bridesmaids wore. With the lights and everything. It took me a while to notice because the dresses were floor-length, but when I did, I was taken aback. Well, that's not true. The first girl I noticed with them was the junior bridesmaid, who was in her young teens, so I thought it might be fun for her. THen I noticed that they ALL had them.

Second thing, but first thing I noticed. She was wearing a plastic crown. Now, I'm all for a tiara. I think. I haven't quite decided. But if you can't wear a tiara on your wedding day then when can you? But a crown? Then I thought, maybe it's a Catholic thing. I don't know. But plastic? I mean, I know you are trying to save money, but...

Third thing, not as obvious, but made me giggle. She beadazzled her own dress. That is right, she bought a wedding dress with a toule skirt and beadazzled it. She did the veil, too. Scariest thing: Spyboy and Spyboy's mother may have liked it...

Now, I have no intention of getting married for quite some time. But I have ideas. Most of my ideas might be a bit formal and uppity for her. But if she's at my wedding, and if I marry Spyboy she probably will be, she is perfectly allowed to make snarky comments to whomever she wants but me. I was thrilled, though, when I found someone to be snarky with at the reception. It was much fun and kept me from exploding. Plus Spyboy doesn't approve, but I have to talk about these things with someone...

Back home again in Indiana

Going back to Indiana, which was not my real home, but my school home, was strange. VERY strange. Nothing has changed in Bloomington. Well, a few construction projects that were in the works were finished, and the White Castle is now a strip mall with a Moe's, but other than that. When we drove through town, I kept feeling like I should be going to my apartment or dorm. It made me sad and gave me closure all at the same time. I mean, it's not my home, not anymore. Though God knows DC isn't either yet. But it's nice to know that things are basically what I remembered. And seeing one of my best friends was, of course, loads of fun. I love that we can act really silly (turning on her boyfriend, apparently) and then later have great discussions.

And more on the wedding later.

I wanna be a dragon...

Today my hair reminds me of Edward Monkton, a completely fabulous British artist. He does these really basic sketches with funny sayings. He's only slightly broken into the American market, but I fell madly in love with his stuff while I was in England. Anyways. My hair reminds me of one of his keychains (that I didn't buy, one of my great regrets). The keychain has a picture of a girl. All of her hair is normal, except for this one strand. This one strand is sticking straight out to the side. The text for the picture is as follows:

Hair: I don't wanna be a hair!! I wanna be a DRAGON!!!

Hair:... fine... I'll be a hair...

Well, I have ONE strand that is just refusing to do what I want it to do. Not that uncommon, really. But still annoying. Stupid curly hair...

Also, found out yesterday that there indeed is something wrong with my liver. I won't find out what exactly it all means until I see my doctor in a couple of weeks. I think there is more wrong, though, than the radiologist said after her cursory inspection. Because what she said is that my liver is starting to change textures. The symptoms for that, though, are vague fatigue and soreness. Which, you know. Who doesn't have that occasionally? So I'm not saying that is wrong. But there is more. there has to be more. Because I have so many other symptoms. And they said that the whole ultrasound doesn't hurt. LIARS. First of all, I have a freaking bruise on the top of my stomach from them pushign down. Second of all (and further reasoning for more being wrong), there was sharp stabbing pain when they pressed into my right side. So yes. Much discussion will be had when I see my doctor. Anyways, so until he tells me I have to give something up entirely, I'm not going to. I'll be smart. I'll have like a glass of wine. Not get drunk or anything. But I'm going to a wedding tomorrow where I'll be spending considerable hours with Spyboy's parents. Without him. I need a glass of wine for that. So I say something about that to Spyboy and get a whole little quasi-parental lecture. All "We can both give up alcohol. It'll be like Turk and Carla on Scrubs." Sweet, but I did NOT want to be lectured. So whatever.

This weekend should be full of mayhem, madness, and memories... I'm a bit afraid of the memory part. It's been two years since I graduated and left Bloomington and now? I mean, I've missed it. Really missed it. I know I'm not missing the town itself, but instead the whole college experience. But it's all tied up together anyways. Will going just emphasize how much I have changed? Will it make me want to go back all the more? Who knows. Maybe it'll just be a fun weekend with a good friend, a weddign thrown in the mix, and a chance to revisit my old stomping ground.

Die Another Day

I like going to the Subway near work. Not so much for their food, although it is quite tasty and cheap and I can pretend like I'm actually getting veggies. Mainly, though, I like going there because the workers there are so nice to me. They are primarily hispanic men, a group who seems predisposed to like me, and they seem like just genuinely nice guys. It's amazing how little things like guys looking at you like you're attractive can make a day better.

I also found out, thanks to an article on cell phone radiation, that I probably don't have to worry about developing cancer from my cell phone. Mine happens to be low. Which is good because it means I won't have to stay up tonight worrying about it. Instead, I'll concentrate on dying from gall stones or a bum liver or whatever is wrong with my stomach. If it's my liver, I'm going to be mad. Because I've hardly gotten in a full three years of drinking and I don't want to quit now.

Anyways, we were talking at work today about some of the many differences between the sexes. Like women, while desperately not liking pain, really have a higher pain tolerance. Which just makes sense. When men can squeeze something that weighs 8 pounds and squirms out of them, they can talk about pain. Though, personally, I'm planning on being completely drugged during childbirth. I mean, I CAN do it, but why waste the effort. The other topic was the topic of irrationally getting angry. I will fully admit that many women have that perfected to an art. Such as, when banging a toe or elbow, yelling irrationally at the object that caused the pain. I don't care if I ran into the corner. It is still the corner's fault. How dare that corner be there! If I can blame someone else for putting the corner there, I will. Obviously, the designer of whatever structure I'm in was stupid. Otherwise, I would not have run into anything. In fact, I not only hate the corner and the designer, but I also hate the entire building if not every building ever. I think this makes perfect sense. According to my token-male coworker, guys don't do this. Instead, they accept that it is their own fault and move on. I think this is one of the fundamental problems in many relationships. If a guy I'm dating is going to take every emotional outburst as fact, or if he thinks that I seriously hate all buildings ever, we're going to have a problem. Guys just need to lighten up and realize taht there are times when it is necessary to blame everyone else.

Why Stupid People Shouldn't Breed

I worry about this country's future. No, not even the country, the whole freaking world. One reason: because we are obviously all going to die because of our complete reaming of the natural world. I mean, look. Earth is only going to take so much crap. It's like when you are really tired or relaxed and a bug crawls on you. Eventually, though, the tickeling is going to annoy you enough that you are going to move and smoosh the bug. We are the bug.

Another reason I worry. Teens today are not intelligent. I'm not saying that my generation was better or the generation before that. Maybe, in fact, the problem is not intelligence. Maybe the problem is that they are too creative for their own intelligence levels. This is a group of people who think that it is safer to abuse prescription drugs than illegal drugs. 31% think that there is nothing wrong with using prescription drugs recreationally once in a while and 29% think they aren't addictive. Now, come on, teens. I know you can read. READ THE LABELS!! Why do you think there are so many warnings? And why do all these parents have presciption painkillers lying around? I mean, the only time I got them was when I had surgery and those I promptly lost. (I now know where they are, but only because I had a mad search for batteries teh other day which involved going through every random crap place in my apartment and I got excited because I thought maybe I had more allergy medicine than I thought.) Then, the teens that know that drugs are bad? They are suffocating themselves in the "choking game." Because depriving your brain of oxygen is somehow not bad? Personally, I can't remember a time when I thought choking myself or my friends (maybe my brother, though, but that was just to shut him up) was a good idea.

Luckily, movies like Akeelah and the Bee restore my faith in and hope for humanity. It was just so cute! Like Spellbound only without the boring parts. And it has Crabman in it. How can you not love Crabman?!

Also, in joyous humanitiness, my sister-in-law's brother, who is like the greatest guy ever, got engaged this weekend. I once bet him a dollar that he couldn't jump over a seven-foot long mud puddle and not only did he do it, he didn't make me pay him the dollar. I'm so happy for him that it's sad.

Peace, man

I just had a cab driver flash me the peace sign. I'm not sure exactly what this means, but I'm assuming it's good. It could be because of either my cute new haircut, or my obnoxious tacky shoes. But they make my pronating feet feel good! I also now have "The Babysitter's Here" by Dar Williams in my head.

Anyways, the New York Times magazine this week had an article about contraception. Apparently some among the religious right have decided to sign on with the Catholic Church in claiming that contraception is amoral. They would like to ban it. The main federal issue where this has come up is in the FDA's approval, or lack there of, of Plan B. Now I know that some people argue that Plan B is an abortive drug, because in some small unknown percentage of cases, usually when taken after the 72 hour recommended mark, it can prevent a fertilized embryo from attaching. As a sidenote, apparently breast feeding can also have this effect. The fact that this argument exists shows that the lines between abortion and contraception are blurring. The use of contraception has supposedly increased promiscuity by promoting a false sense of security, while allowing married couples to focus on sex too much. I would say an underlying, non-admitted theme is that not having babies all the time has allowed women to enter the workforce, obviously an evil side-effect...

Now this makes me frustrated and mad and is yet another reason why I hestitate sometimes to mention that I am a Christian. These people are giving the rest of us a bad name. And what the hell are they smoking? Do they really think that banning contraception is going to prevent ANYTHING? Teenagers are still going to go out and have sex, STD rates will rise, abortion rates will probably rise. The anti-contraception argument is that if there is not the possibility of a child, then sex is somehow trivialized or taking over the relationship. No matter what, the people quoted sound like morons, and their publications blantantly lie or stretch the truth. I only hope that they try to take this bigger, so that maybe the rest of America will actually get up and do something, rather than let a portion of the country dictate laws based upon religious beliefs for everyone else.

Like Applesauce through a fork...

Eating applesauce (and pudding) with a fork can be very difficult. It is a feat only to be attempted while at the peak of one's prime, while completely sober and paying complete attention to the applesauce. Otherwise, the applesauce might escape its culinary fate and be resigned to mold away in a pile of garbage somewhere. And you know what that means? The terrorists have won.

Anyways, if I suddenly disappear someday and no one knows where I've gone, the police totally should check out him, because he has already threatened to kill me. And no, it doesn't matter who started what, because I'm still missing, people. Show a little concern here.

Sigh. Me vanishing reminds me of the first time I met my boyfriend (who shall hereafter be called Spyboy)'s friends. I called it friend bootcamp. Anyways, we drove up to podunk Indiana for a concert, then went and visited his friends at Purdue. We were supposed to come back Saturday night, but he really wanted to stay, so we slept on the floor while another couple slept on a couch. It was a little strange. Anyways, my phone had died and when I got back, I had like 6 voice mails, 15 im's, and 8 messages on the board outside my door. It was cute. My friends were all worried about me... AWWWwww... Not as much of an aww as when they threatened to kill any guy who hurt me (or rip off his balls. I can't quite remember, but it was something suitably violent).

And who knew Flattop Grill was in Fort Wayne? Seems random... We have restaurants in Chicago, DC, and Fort Wayne... Chicago people? Have you been? If you haven't, you apparently should go. People RAVE about it here and they are all around the Chicago area. I'm going to drag Spyboy there tomorrow night. It is convienently located near my gym. Where I again saw someone naked last night. Is it to much to ask to put a bra on BEFORE you stand around blowdrying your hair?

Speaking of hair, I'm getting my hair cut today!! Whee!!! I love haircuts...

Further proof that I am a nerd

Okay, so Lauren Graham (of Gilmore Girls fame) and I totally need to be friends. First of all, she's so cool. Second of all, we have SO much in common! She was an English major, I was an English major. She rides horses, I ride horses. We both wanted to be jockeys but were too tall. She grew up around here, I now live around here. She apparently writes a lot; I in my day have been known to write a lot. Including the infamous 50000 word novel in a month which has a chapter posted somewhere online. Where? I have absolutely no idea. Anyways. All these things add up to being best friends. I can see it now: The trips out to LA to visit her, the phone conversations, the visits here where we'd curl up and eat cookie dough and talk. And of course, given the age difference, she wouldn't just be a best friend, she'd be a mentor, too. It'd be great.

And I just discovered that Slate has a section all on words. All on words! I am joyful. It brings me happiness. Does this make me a nerd? Well, yes. But I figured that out long ago. Anyone who loved taking Latin qualifies as a nerd. Eats, Shoots and Leaves? Preaching to the choir. The current article is on the origin of the term 'baby-daddy,' apparently Jamaica. I'm torn, though, on how I feel about such terms being in the OED. On one hand, the OED is merely a collection of terms and how they have been used over the course of decades or centuries, depending on the age of the term. On the other, it's the freaking OED. It brings up pictures of scholars and grammar nerds and the best of the English language. Which baby-daddy and bling-bling do not, in my humble opinion, count as. Maybe I should just move to France. They have grammar police over there...

Disturbing bodies

Ew... I just linked from someone else's blog to an article on using hookworm to cure allergies/asthma/digestive problems. This guy claimed it worked, but he has to reinfect himself with worms every three months or so. Hookworm is found in feces, people. FECES. [shudders]

To continue in the theme of bodies. I went to the gym yesterday. Now, I like my gym. It's a nice gym. Lots of equipment and wood paneling and carpet in the locker room. But. Some people apparently interpret the casual "we're all here trying to stay healthy and attractive" feeling of the gym as an excuse to wander around naked. I understand that everyone must change. I'm not saying people should be ashamed of their bodies. What I am saying is that I don't want to see naked women! I don't care how great of shape you are in for your age, wrap a towel around yourself before walking the twenty feet to the showers. And if you are going to put lotion on, at least put your underwear on first! I go to the gym for a workout, not a peep show.

Also, as some of you know, I will be going to a wedding in a couple of weeks. This wedding is worrysome for a few reasons, including the fact that none of my bf's friends that I know are going to be available to sit with me (one's the groom, another couple is having a baby and so can't be there, etc). And he himself is in the wedding. Which means I get to either sit with complete strangers or his parents. So this is one problem. The other is that the groom's family freaked me out when I met them. See, here is the scenario. Groom graduates from vet school; bf and I go to his graduation party on his family's farm. (It's Indiana. Of course it was on a farm.) We do random things like look at tractors and his family's big saw. Why they have a big saw? I don't know. Apparently they need to chop up trees occasionally. Anyways, groom proposes (hehe) that we all play a game of softball. Now it's freaking cold. It's not supposed to be freaking cold, being June, but it is. (Not immediately important, but could play in.) So I agree, and am wearing a borrowed coat and boots that have chunky heels which make it difficult to run. We play, etc., etc., then go inside and eat where groom's brother is strangely intense and made me want to back away slowly. I lose an earring (definitely made me sad), we say goodbye and leave. Come to find out that later groom, groom's father, and groom's brother were all discussing people. Or at least me. Now, I don't really mind being discussed because it makes me feel important. But. THe problem is the topic. The topic was, "Was she wearing a bra?" I believe the word "busty" was used. OF COURSE I WAS WEARING A BRA AND KEEP YOUR SKEEVY THOUGHTS OFF OF MY CHEST! Who has a nice family discussion around the kitchen table about this? Now I was cold, which would create certain issues, and I was running in heels, which would cause some bouncage. But still. Groom can think about my chest. Brother and Father of groom, not so much. And they should not be all talking about it.

Crap. Now I've weirded myself out throughly again. Ew.

Titles!!!

Ha! I figured out how to add titles on my own... which basically consisted of finding the right setting page to click on and then clicking that I did indeed want titles on my page. I am a genius.

So, I'm sitting here, looking online and at my prescription (I get to have an abdominal ultrasound, tres excitant.) and two things frighten me muchly. One is the
picture of Star Jones on MSN. I know she wanted to lose weight, but she is freaking scary looking. I feel like she is going to jump on top of me and start gnawing on my arm or something. She has a crazy look in her eyes. Not crazy like Cruise crazy, but still. The part of my prescription that scares me is the category called nuclear medicine. Not only does the word nuclear cause W's voice to ring in my head, a terrifying experience in and of itself, but the concept is alarming. What exactly is nuclear medicine? Is it the "option of last resort?" Are they sending little nuclear bombs inside of people in order to destroy malignant cells? I know Bush wants to have underground nuclear weapon capability; maybe this is the first step...

On to this weekend. We tried to crash the DC bloggers happy hour. It didn't work out so well. I mean, we did officially "crash" it, I guess, but we mainly just stood in the corner trying to figure out who was who. I was all for mingling, but Susan wasn't so much and she's the one who has actually been reading the blogs for more than three days. The much-hoped for fight did not happen, though, at least not while we were there. It was very sad. I mean, come on, people. If you are going to invite me into the massive drama that is your online fight, I expect some in-person drama as well.

After that, I met the infamous SO of Susan, who was very nice and proceeded to pay for our drinks the rest of the night. Not that one of my friends needed it. I've never seen anything like it. Guys just kept randomly handing her beers. Not even guys she was talking to/flirting with! Just people she was walking by or who accidentally stepped on her foot. It was a little ridiculous, and by ridiculous, I mean horribly jealousy-enducing. We then began crazy dancing, to the point that every muscle in my body was sore the next day and free-beer girl began saying things like, "Wow. You can dance. I mean, you can really dance... You'd never expect it." She also declared that Susan was recognizable from her head bob and I was recognizable by my smile. Which reminded me of Doug from Teddy Hall, who made me feel good about myself and who kept making statements like, "I'm saying that you're hot, but I'm not hitting on you. You know I'm not hitting on you." And yes, he did know about my boyfriend, unlike scary French stalker boy who chased me out of the one decent Starbucks in Oxford. I mean, the other one only had four kinds of flavor shots. FOUR! It was ridiculous.

Other than that, my weekend was pretty calm. Apparently every one in the 20's and 30's group at church is moving, which makes me sad. Though Amy and I are going to go get mint juleps at the Wilson before she does and that makes me happy because I like mint juleps. AND she told me that Guapos, my one true love embodied in a Mexican restaurant, has killer mojitos. I love their margueritas, but mojitos are pretty up there too. My bf and I got in a spat on Saturday because Friday night he "had a headache..." Hmph. Sometimes that boy does not appreciate how lucky he really is. And while I'm all for fighting gender roles, I'm not really for it in my own relationship and therefore the reversal sucks and I hate it. I also got a chance to talk to Emily, whom I had not talked to in over a year. Though I did email her six months ago and got no answer back... But yes. It is frightening how old and mature we are getting, all talking about work and whatnot. And religion, but we always talked religion and stuff. Particularly while "working" the corner in college. :-) Sigh. Good times.

And I do have to give a shout out to Roberto Donna. He beat Iron Chef Morimoto last night in their rematch. I love Chef Donna... He makes me laugh. Plus, what other renowned chef serves you personally in his grill where you can get pizza for $3.50 and sandwiches for $5.50?

Snakes, lizards, and kittens, oh my!

I could think of some dirty ways to combine that. Not helped, of course, by the fact that my office has had discussions covering how long anacondas get, how much food they can eat, and who does the licking in the office. Add to that the fact that my boyfriend, when I told him about our anaconda conversation, began singing "Baby Got Back" and it all heads down hill.

Sidenote: Once upon a time, I never blushed. Today I had to tell a doctor, a medical professional that does not know me, that I am on birth control. And I freaking blushed. I talk about licking (stamps, people, stamps) at work and I blush. I blame my college best friend who first trained me not to blush and then proceeded to spend a good portion of her time trying to embarrass the crap out of me so I would. Ah, the good old days. Her teasing me about my crush in front of people who didn't know I had a crush, bringing up awkward topics in front of the guy I had just started dating... How I miss her. The worst, though, was when I made myself blush. Such as the time my friend interrupted me with the question, "Are you a restaurant?" I was a little annoyed at the question, so I decided to be sarcastic. "Yes," I said. "I am a restaurant. People come and eat inside of me." It was cause for much mocking on the part of my friends.

Anyways, apparently my parents have found not only lizards inside of their new house, but also a snake. A snake, people. I am supposed to go visit them soon. My visit is supposed to be my rest. My relaxation. My sitting back and letting other people do things like clean and cook and pick up the dishes. My chance to sleep without the sound of people running up and down the hall, without the crazy Post delivery guy who for some reason hates my door and therefore must throw my paper against it every morning, scaring the crap out of me. Not my chance for me to poke carefully around to ensure that I am not about to be attacked by some animal who consists only of a stomach and one long muscle. (Yes, go ahead. Think your dirty thoughts. Pervert.) I would force my kitten, or rather former kitten, now full-grown cat to sleep with me as he is the only one who seemed to be aware of the snake. But he's annoying at night and tends to not only attack snakes, but also to attack anything under the covers that moves. So now it has become my mission for my parents to not only buy me a tennis bracelet, but to also de-snake their house.

Also... I can't figure out how to put titles on my entries... [blushes in shame] Help?

So once again, I was apparently a pre-cursor to popularity. I had a blogger account LONG before they were popular. I had stopped using my blogger before they were popular. And now? They are all the rage. It's like the little woven purses. Mine had broken before they became popular. Those people who try and find people who are ahead of the popularity curve should totally stalk me. Therefore, I'm guessing that in five years, being middle-class poor and being forced to wear clothes that keep getting progressively shorter because you can't afford new ones will be the "in" thing. It'll be great.

But yes. So now I am jumping on the bandwagon I had abandoned before it broke camp. Why? Well, as fun as livejournal is, it's not. Plus it is my secret ambition to break into not only the DC-blog lists, but to break into New York and possibly Boston as well. And I can totally take on Chicago, given that I know at least six people there.

Was really mad, but got over it. Think part of the problem was that I was pms-y AND had just been in the car for 20 hours. Also, my dad was being a prick. But I'm letting it go for the good of the family. And he really doesn't MEAN to be an ass, so I feel bad for blaming him for it.

Oh. also. Another happy thought (I have to hold on to them to keep from turning into a crazed maniac). My new hair stuff. Called G2B... Kinky. I love it. It makes me smile. And an added bonus is it brings memories back of Emily Pate not understanding why I didn't want her to call my hair kinky.

First of all, I apologize to Peggy for using to instead of too. I hate that, and I'm sure she does too, but it's really pointless changing it now that I see it four days later.
Okay, short entry that due to fatigue will have to be explained later. My dad fucking annoys the shit out of me and makes me so mad that I come close to crying, which is what happens when I get REALLY angry. There. I feel slightly better. Slightly.

Is it a bad thing that I am sick to death of hearing about my brother and think my parents talk to much about him? It makes me want to scream or better yet, leave. I mean, he's a freaking adult. I always thought that meant you were in charge of things like supplying stuff for your appartment, but my parents think it means to buy everything not stupid on his little list. and why do we, or more importantly I (hey, let's be honest. I don't care if THEY agree to do something for him... as long as I'm not involved.) have to help with everything. Like moving in. ANd why won't my parents let me drive his stuff down by myself. My dad, who is also going, is a total drag who currently is annoying the hell out of me and makes me frustrated, mad, and slightly violent.
Okay, happy thoughts, happy thoughts. Oh, I've fallen in love. I'm head over heels wiht a pair of shoes. THey are gorgeous. So damn sexy. THough not as sexy as my new, slightly uncomfortable but not murderous black shoes. And yay for postcards from Emily! And... I'm running out of happy things to think about. Must get away from house, away from parents before words are said that would be as hurtful as possible because I'm feeling bitchy.

Have you ever had a dream and when you woke up, you felt differently because of it? That happened to me last night. And they, the dreams, continue ot be like movies.
I think it's a little funny that Peggy was talking about how she didn't really choose a lot of her friends, just kind of fell into the group when sometimes last year, I didn't even feel a part of the group. PArt of that could be because I didn't meet several people till March. Which was shortly after I decided I hated all my friends and needed new ones. Luckily that sentiment changed. Anyway. Don't really know how that was connected. But I wanted to say it.
I had an epiphany on Friday. It's too complicated to explain here, but since then I have been overwhelmed with joy and peace and beauty. The smallest things will floor me, things like the sun shining through my body glitter or the trees blowing in the wind. It's lovely.
I also have been reading Atlas Shrugged, a very good but very long book. It's intriguing and brings up many societal questions about compassion and charity and what is too far. And humanity in general. There is a trainwreck which could have been avoided in which 200 people die. And part of me as the reader is furious at this waste of life. But then Rand describes the people in the train and you can't help but think they deserved to die. It really is a masterful work. If only it wasn't so damn long! I want to be done with it. I still have 500 pages left and I've already read 550. AHH!!!!! The neverending book!

Well, Amy has a semi-boyfriend. Only semi because he lives in Atlanta and Amy met him like a week ago and doesn't really know him that well. He's kind of scary, though she says he's nice and cute and Christian. But he met her at an FCA camp, knew her for a week, and then after that starts calling her like everyday and emailing her all teh time. Okay, side note. Seth Greene is a cutie. Anyway, back to Memes. When she told me about this random boy, I wasn't really surprised. Because I can kind of understand Dana not having a boyfriend and I can't even imagine a guy liking me but Amy is pretty darn hot. I mean, come on. THe girl works out like mad. I am a little jealous, I have to admit. But not a whole lot. Because it's Amy.
And if you think any part of the former statement is sad, I do too. The fact is that when a hot fifteen year old flirts with me, I wonder what the hell he wants and why in the world he would flirt with me over some of the other girls around. Even when a nerdy fourteen year old follows me around at camp, I'm just amazed at what he would see in me... Okay, I swear, I'm not some maudlin person who sits around analysing herself. I just think a lot.
Oh. And Peggy, who I think is the only person who reads this, I'd like you to know that I have almost finished the first draft of an autobiographical short story which I will put on my webpage when I'm done.

Yay!! My computer is fixed!!! IBM roxors. I called them on Thursday morning. Friday there was a nice previously owned, but working, hard drive in my yard. I had forgotten how much faster I type on this keyboard. Am now tempted to write just so I get to type. But I'm tired from babysitting. Where I was VASTLY underpaid. But oddly, I'm not upset about it. Maybe I'm just too tired to care so much. Maybe I'm just too used to being taken advantage of.
It's kind of weird reading Peggy's online diary. We are a lot alike and then totally different. I can sympathize wiht so many of her problems because I have the same ones, like having a dad who doesn't really understand or know me and the whole pain of growing apart from high school friends. Growing up sucks. ANd not knowing what to do with my life. But then, even though my dad and I have issues, both my parents support what I want to do. Maybe because they know that I would fight them to do what I want. And I regret not rebelling as a teen-ager. But then, even now I don't know what I'd rebel about, besides the whole car thing. They're just too damn understanding. I think that maybe all this time I'd been seeing Peggy as stronger than me. But maybe we're just strong in different ways. I envy her her strength, but maybe there are hidden depths in me. (oohh... deep thought... scary.)

Well, had another nice, enjoyable break-down last night, caused by being hormonal and by watching too many romances. Sigh. Luckily I was able to prevent another episode today with memories of this weekend. I lost my virginity, my CRUISING virginity, that is. (ha, did I scare you? ;-) ) It was SO much fun! We got hit on by some sleazy guys who wanted us to "earn" some Mardi Gras beads, which we didn't though I was going to show them my bra (I had taken it off. Damn strapless bras are sent from hell to torture women). One cute guy blew us a kiss from another car.
Tonight I watched A Beautiful Mind. It was good, but I could not figure out what movie the actor who played Charlie (his imaginary friend) was in. I could remember thinking how cute he was, tall and skinny with a nice little accent that makes me wanna... okay, enough of that. ;-) So, anyway, looked at the cast thingy on the dvd and saw that he was Chaucer in A Knight's Tale. That made me very happy.
Oh speaking of random things that make me happy, while I was in NY, my mom gave me $50 to spend. I bought this candle snuffer from a museum shop. I LOVE it. It's not even that cute or anything, but knowing that I own it makes me happy. Really happy. It's so odd. But then again, I am so odd. But that's okay.

Since the last REAL entry was rather depressing and dramatic, I HAVE to write a more recent one. NY was fun. I love NY, but there was entirely too much family bonding. I almost died. After spending six days with my parents, mainly my dad, I was picturing throwing stuff at them, mainly my dad... And Philly sucks. It's so boring. No atmosphere. And it finally hit me that my parents, mainly my mom, are old and don't understand youth. Though she at least liked the cute little cafe that scared my dad and Matt. But things like how people could eat dinner at ten o' clock and go to bed late and still get to work in the morning. We went to see Ground Zero, which was odd... It just seemed like a big construction site; it was almost completely cleaned up. The financial district, though, was creepy. It seemed haunted, even though the streets were full of people. I kept seeing scenes from 9-11.
Well, now I get to go escape my parents by going to Knoxville and seeing Dana. YAY!

New York and Philadelphia, here I come!!! Watch out! :-)

Talked to Emily today. Happiness!
Well, I had an interesting conversation with Peggy. Not really, but one part was kind of disastrous. Wasn't REALLY her fault, though I could try and make her feel guilty in retaliation for her snide comment in her journal...:-) Have I mentioned what a vindictive bitch of a child I was? Cutest child you will ever see, but man, could I be mean. Anyway, she asked a rather innocent question, if I've ever really had a boyfriend, which, due to my mood and the fact that I'm PMSing (at least I hope I am. Otherwise I have no excuse for either the inexplicable irritation with my parents or the cookies that I HAD to have), sent me in a downward spiral down into the boggy mires of my inner soul. Wasn't that nice and poetic? okay, in real terms, the fact that I had to answer no reminded me of old insecurities. As soon as I got into my room, depressing thoughts began to float around. Thoughts that I have been fighting since freshman year of high school. Thoughts like no wonder I can't get a boyfriend, who would want to date me, etc. Well, I decided that since I was depressed anyway, I would have a nice little cry to clean out my emotion system and started trying to make myself more depressed. And that led to an odd little discovery. While I can make myself very depressed and have a lot of insecurities, there are a few things that I know aren't true and can't even pretend that I believe them in the name of depression. Like I was like, look at me. And I have my physical flaws, which of course I went over. But then I thought, I'm ugly. And I don't believe that. Immediately this little voice of reason in my head said, "Liar!" Not that I'm the most beautiful person either. As David so nicely stated for me, I am 'professionally pretty'. Aka, I'm the type of girl you'd want to work with, not date. Grr... I could KILL him for that statement. Not that I didn't know this. But I didn't need him to state it.
But I'm okay now. Got over it. Fell asleep and woke up feeling better.

Yay for Michelle's birthday!!! Now she can officially do everything except rent a car!! [does a little excited dance] :-)
Okay. Weird dream occurence only shortly after I declared they had stopped. This one was about school, the beginning of the year when everyone is moving back in. Only it wasn't really Smith. but it was. I was looking for all my friends because I (obviously) wanted to see them, but I couldn't find them. I couldn't read the tags on the doors. It was odd. Okay, it doesn't sound that odd, but it was. You just had to be there. In my dream. Though some of you were... ;-) (and NO. Not like that.)
Yes the randomness that I have fostered for so long has taken over in a coup d'etat. It was forced to take over my mind in order to keep sanity from fleeing in boredom. (Have you noticed that I'm bored?)
I'm avoiding doing crafts right now. I have officially been asked by Mary, a family friend and last summer's slave driver, if I would come out like once per camp and help with crafts. Which will be kind of fun, if a bit sad. It's weird for me to think about not going to camp. I've been every summer since I finished third grade.It's been a rather large part of my summers. Ah... the memories come flooding back. The last time I really cried in front of people was at camp. Anyway, the only thing is that I have to do all the sample crafts and get like a hundred or two plastic lacing things started. And THEN I'll have to teach people how to do them. Now, for those of you without lacing experience, lacing is fun. It is. But TEACHING lacing is hell. Especially in large groups. It makes me tired to think of it...

Well, weird dreams have somewhat died down. Which is good and bad. They were interesting, if very odd and very random.
I had forgotten how not fun it is to be burned. Amy and I laid out on Saturday. It was nice and relaxing and I was looking forward to having non-glaring white legs. Well, now they aren't glaring white. They are a pleasant pink color. Along with my back, my knees, my shoulders. Essentially, moving hurt. I could hardly stand to wear clothes, in particular a bra, Saturday night. Luckily, my friends are for the most part not in town and I have no life, so I managed not to move or wear a bra.
Reading other people's online journals disturbs me. Not that I don't like to know what is going on in my friends' lives and heads. I do. But Emily's makes me want to go to England as a student, reviving the whole dilemma in my head and heart. Peggy's. Peggy's really confuses me. I understand how she feels about the whole what should she do question. I have no idea. Writing appeals to me, but I think I suck. Like the competition I entered. I'm just waiting to get the email saying that I didn't win. I can't even imagine placing. Plus I have no real motivation. And I don't know if I could stand having such an insecure lifestyle. Unless Peggy finds TWO great, funny, intelligent, cute, and importantly rich and gives me one. But her conflict makes me jealous for some reason. I don't understand why it should, except for the fact that in my mind, she's more talented and more likely to actually sell her artwork and writing.

Bored, bored, bored. I feel like my brain is rotting. Anyway, every once in a while a sermon is just what you need to hear. Not often. That kind of happened on Sunday. As in it was what I needed to hear, but it's easy to hear, not to believed. I find myself in an odd state in which I've actually given up on a dream. It may only be temporary (God, I hope it's only temporary). But it's not easy. The fact that I'm slightly hormonal hasn't helped. It's only made me want to cry all the time. Sigh.
OH, have now decided that I officially have the most random things happen to me. I was at the gym today. Working out, gross, not really wanting to see people I know. And I was doing these little leg/hip/ass things on a machine and this girl asks me if she knows me. I had never seen her before the gym. She knew my name. Apparently, she remembered me from my senior year (she was a freshman) at the awards banquet. Where, to be honest, I did win a lot of awards. But still. It was two and a half years ago. And she remembers my name?! Remembers me enough to recognize me?! It was crazy. Though now I feel like a bit of an important personage in little old Cleveland. I think I may have been a bit of a role-model for her. (and yes, I am aware that that sounds pompous. When someone remembers you from one night two years ago, you can too.)
I helped tonight with a program designed to teach adults English. It's pretty cool. It forces me to think about the way english really works. and it's crazy. It also just makes me feel good. Here are nice people really trying. And I get to help them.